Awake by Katherine Foreman

Awake

My last night as a full-time child
I didn't want to sleep, for fear of
Waking up in a rustle of too-crisp sheets
And a creak of inadequate bedsprings
With a lightly snoring virtual stranger eight feet away.
And also I didn't want it to be tomorrow,
Because then it would be time to do what
I've denied for three weeks of subsistence
And oblivion--ignoring is bliss.
And I saw everything I never did
Lying around me, pieces and steps of the
Success I never got, reminders that
Whatever I planned, I never got far.
But in the middle of these broken promises
To myself, I could see for the first time
That I have not been broken.
And I must keep myself, all that is real,
As daybreak does, and nightfall.
I exist to others, but all I need is me.
I will be the last promise, when all is said
And kept.

I was looking at this free-verse poetry website and stumbled onto this poem. It's spectacular! I love it so much! It's a coming to age poem, which is basically where I am in life. The author speaks of how intimidated she is by her future. I love how she uses the overly crisp sheets and bedsprings as symbols of uncomfortable situations. I also love the line "I exist to others, but all I need is me." I guess she is saying we all use people to get ahead; we learn from them, we love them, we trust them. Sometimes they fail us or do us wrong. In the end, however, all you really need is yourself and the confidence that you will succeed. Other people are nice accessories to life. This poem has a really calm tone, very reflective. What I don't understand about it is the last two lines. The regular saying is "when as is said and done," yet Foreman says, "when all is said and kept." I feel as though those lines are very significant, but I don't understand what she meant by it, what the big difference is.